my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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