we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
