I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
