3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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