I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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