batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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