Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
