I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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