So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
