I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
