You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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