Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
