I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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