That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
