I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
