Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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