when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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