I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he thought i was a dude.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
