there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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