After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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