god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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