Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Having a random hookup so left but love u
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
