An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
