It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
