Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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