so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
