$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
