I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
