Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
