woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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