He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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