I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
