I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
