Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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