That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
