o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
