And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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