There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
