I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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