We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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