I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
