As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Rumble strips road head = magical
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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