Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
