Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sarcasm needs its own font
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Randomize
