Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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