Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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