my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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