i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
