It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Damn victory sex feels great
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
