There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
