super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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