Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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