Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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