Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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