Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
