I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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