the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
