im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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