That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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