Just fell off a train. Bad.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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