I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
