Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
