I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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