Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.