it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?