did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
