think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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