spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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