bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
