She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
