I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
