Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize