Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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